welll. i was kind of joking about learning how to ride bicycles in the way demonstrated below... but i wasn't joking about buying a bicycle for my own transportation purposes. i haven't yet done so. but once i do, i'll probably throw a party for it and you're all invited.
okay well, i did want to say something real. not to get too serious, but lately i've been doubting myself a lot... mainly in terms of my musical abilities. i feel like all the new material i've been writing is ordinary and lacks some serious creativity. the kind of innovation that i feel i used to display in my writing. and honestly, this is the first time i've ever said this, which could mean that i've just been arrogant my whole life about my abilities and now i'm finally seeing that i'm not the best composer ever. or maybe i'm just having self esteem issues and i really am not that bad...
either way, i just wanted to put this out there... if anyone believes in the music that i make, and believes that there's power behind it to inspire and to evoke emotion, then this is the time that i need to hear it the most. often i don't care for praise because i don't need it when i believe in myself enough already. but this week it is hard to really believe that i can make an impact with my music.
i think it has a lot to do with the fact that i've been studying so much for school and all the stuff i'm learning about is, in general, very depressing... sociology and global politics are full of daunting injustices that are hard for me to even wrap my head around, let alone devise plans for their eradication that are realistic. i'm 20. i feel old enough that i should be doing significant things, but my time all seems to fly by and nothing real is accomplished... and at the same time i feel so young that i can't imagine how i am supposed to make a real difference in the world because of my youth and naivety. these things all weigh on me, and undoubtedly contribute to my feeling of worthlessness when it comes to my music. my music is, in the end, the means by which i hope to accomplish many of my goals in life... but with such big goals and so little knowledge and preparation, my music is bound to appear powerless to affect change in the face of such monumental issues.
okay... that was depressing, but if anyone has any thoughts or words of affirmation or anything to share, please leave your comments. i'd love to interact with you about these things. thanks a lot.
love,
luke.
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luke,
everything you touch is beautiful. everything from a song down to vegetarian chili. your friendship has meant a lot to me while i have been in chicago and don't hate me for saying this but if it wasn't for your music it probably never would have happened. i look up to you a lot for a lot of reasons. when i tell people about your music i tell people that you are some kind of prodigy or genius and i mean it. i should probably tell you this face to face. maybe i will come over right now. crap... its 2am. maybe tomorrow then. word.
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